I am tied to so many people and so many things. These ties seldom break. I consider a thread to have broken only when I can say that I have forgotten about a particular connection.
These linkages pull me in all possible directions. When one pulls hard, the others coöperate and aid it so loyally. Take for instance the moment when I am happy. I am just so happy that the threads pulling me to an ocean of despair just loosen and it seems to me as if they have disappeared. The universe seems bright and the corners of my room get filled up with beautiful fragrances. The objects which act as the source of all worry and confusion let their threads loose and I wander free. In case of such a relaxation, I forget the other side of my story. When I roam around in the open grassland, the other connections of my being matter to me no more. Like an animal tethered to a variety of poles dug deep in the ground, I graze. When I am glad, some of the ropes take rest and the envious poles laugh incessantly at my illusions. “Go wherever you want, I will pull you soon” they say to themselves.
Very soon a wave of anxiety strikes. The hitherto silent people and objects tighten and stand straight. The aesthetic of the expressions on their faces worsens and they set out to teach me a lesson for my offence of forgetting them. I try hard to graze further and yet get pulled back to where I belong. Belonging in this sense is a temporary and an extremely momentary feeling. I belong to the territory carved out by a team of mood controllers and I am forced to be loyal every time.
And I miss the opportunity always. Every time I fail to look down upon the other team. When sad, I am just sad and when happy, I am just happy. While being so, I have never been able to laugh at the others and made them realize the weakness of the momentary influences they are capable of forcing on me. I do not emerge victorious ever. I emerge out of my mood a loser who could not teach his opponents a lesson. Grief wins every time I forget myself and smile and sing with the sunshine. It laughs at my foolishness. Happiness wins every time I shed a drop of tear and curse the dark. It too laughs at my foolishness.A child I am in all circumstances.
To be sad and to love being as such is the real triumph and vice-versa. Is that so? I cannot say that. I think I can defeat my opponents in only one circumstance. And that is to surrender with all my heart and soul to whatever joys and miseries they have in store for me. I cannot go very far trying to stand up to their might. The threads are many. Not all of them are silky. There are the others which have a sharp cutting surface. Some are steely and there are still others which are irritable to touch because they have a coating of broken, grounded pieces of glass.
Pull me and take me wherever you want. Do whatever you want. I will like a loyal slave comply with your directions. I refuse to learn from my mistakes and will continue doing so. When delighted I will forgo all grief and when depressed, I will never think of the happy moments of my life. I am happy to see you victorious once and forever. I need to have a great laugh now at you. Don’t mind it. My life! you are supremely and most annoyingly mighty. I surrender!